I've been thinking about women's bodies a lot lately. Especially when I'm in the supermarket checkout aisle...all you have to do is take a gander at every tabloid rag in the rack. Now, I'm a gentleman...I was taught never to talk about a woman's age or weight. Unless you're breaking up with her. But now the national media has basically turned into that creepy meth-head at the carnival who undresses your girlfriend with his eyes, then guesses her weight.

Hmm..what could make some celebrity go on a "Deadly Skin And Bones Diet"? Maybe because they're worried about being named one of Star Magazine's "Worst Beach Bodies". And who are these paparazzi to criticize? I'm guessing these guys taking pictures of women with "cottage-cheese thighs" probably have cottage-cheese faces themselves. These beach-combing scumbuckets are the worst -- they once called Jennifer Love Hewitt "chubby" because she dared go above a size 2. Apparently, if you take a shower and the water doesn't miss...you're a lardbutt.

Think about why people go to the beach -- they're workin' hard, they wanna relax, catch some rays, down a few beers, then leisurely relieve themselves in the water. Then, for the 10 seconds you forget to suck in your gut, some perv with a camera jumps out of the bluffs and...ka-chick! You're winning Star Magazine's "Worst Man-Boobs" award. Way to go, Star.....classy.

And now, we're evidently so weight-obsessed...it's not just news when people diet. It's news when people are THINKING about dieting. "Kirstie Alley..Ready To Get Slim Again!" Stay tuned. Do people like Kirstie Alley & Valerie Bertinelli even act anymore? I'm starting to think they're just human-balloons that Jenny Craig inflate and deflate whenever they need a new commercial.

In Hollywood, it seems like there's a four-pound "safe zone": one pound over, and you're a hideous Orca. One pound under, you're on Category 3 death-watch. Decide whether or not someone is fat and go with it. All this flip-flopping is starting to make me think that tabloids may not be legitimate news sources.

So let's stop obsessing about weight...I mean, even Dr. Phil put out a weight-loss book. Call me crazy, but isn't a little hypocritical to put out a diet book when you're a bit of a tank yourself. And yes, Nicole Richie or Mary-Kate Olsen or whoever looks too thin. No offense, but is it really my problem? Until I see flies buzzing around their head, I'll assume they're fine. So let's stop with the weight-watching and get back to ogling women for the right reasons...because they're hawt.