Every year at this time the March Madness Tournament rolls around and every year I find myself wondering when I will start caring about college hoops. The answer, as best as I can tell: never. I will never care.

This is not to say that I don't think basketball has any value. I mean, I don't, but I'm not saying it. Instead, I think my loathing has more to do with my general resentment towards things that everybody else seems to agree are exciting and worthwhile. Popular things. Whenever a large group of people gets interested in something, my instinct is to dismiss it. You might think that makes me a snob. It does. But more than that, it makes me a phony.

Because the truth is, I would probably like all the things I put down if I just allowed myself to enjoy them, but I cannot out of general resentment and crankiness. I am to popular culture what Mr. Wilson is to Dennis the Menace.

"Dancing With The Stars" is a perfect example. I do not watch that show. Why? Because it's incredibly popular. There are those who have legitimate reasons for hating the show: Bruno, the bad dancing, the schmaltz. None of that bothers me. What bothers me is that it's popular.

"Survivor"? Same thing. I never watch.

"C-S-I"? Don't watch.

"30 Rock?" Ditto.

It's hard to pinpoint exactly when I rejected popular culture. I think it was somewhere between seventh grade and tenth grade. One year I was buying Journey records, the next I was buying records by The Screaming Prostate Glands. Which did I enjoy more? Journey. Which did I listen to more? The Screaming Prostate Glands. And made sure everybody knew it. This is the hallmark of a true poser. Because, as I said, secretly I love pop culture. I love all of it, but don't allow myself exposure to it because that would be admitting defeat. And I would rather suffer in victory than bask in defeat.

Clearly I'm in the wrong career. If I hate popular culture so much, why am I spending every working hour talking & blogging about it? Self-hatred. This disorder may also explain why I've spent the last 15 years of my life languishing in the nether regions of morning radio. Yes, I said "nether regions of morning radio," which doesn't really make sense, but neither does my stupid bleeping attitude.

So yes, I know the March Madness Tournament is this weekend and I think I can even name the teams playing: Duke and.....ok, that's it. But I will not be watching, and I do not care. Sort of. But I sort of do.